Oy yoy yoy yoy yoy ... if I could collect $10 every time I have a debacle at an airport, I would be a very rich person. I decided I would go to the airport early and find something more interesting to do rather than sitting at the hotel until 1:30 or so. I have a nice leisurely breakfast, hiding outside from the stupid music they love to play at hotels that is just soft enough to not have a clue what is being played and just loud enough to be annoying.
I check out to the tune of ~123 EUR which surprises me since I thought it would be a lot more. I take the hotel Benz to the airport to the tune of 18 EUR with the tip. I get to the airport and it starts ... the SIGNAGE IS TERRIBLE. This goes back to my theory that they should hire a 61 year-old ferenge to QA signage; the people who place the signs know where they are going. There are arrows motioning one to Check-ins numbered 1 through 90. I think this is a novel idea ... not so fast. The board does not show my flight yet as it is too early. I look at the top of the list where soon-to-depart flights are listed, and there are no indications what series of check-in counters to use. I go ask someone at TAP (Air Portugal) and am advised to go to counters 65 through 90. The line is very short ... end debacle; I am so lucky to find a short line.
My turn arrives and all appears to be well ... HAH! My luggage may be overweight. I know from coming from Canada a few weeks ago and having gone to Africa 3 times before, they allow 2-23kg bags. I know the two I have together are less than 30!!! Also, he tells me the ticket is "owned" by Air Brussels. He tries to contact them to see what the included baggage allowance is with no luck. He checks with his supervisor who tells him to go to the TAP customer service desk and find out.
So, I now get to stand in another long line? No, he goes with me and discusses the issue with TAP personnel and comes back. We head back to counter 72 and he processes my check-in and gives me a piece of paper to go back to TAP customer service. He tells me it is 4 EUR per extra kilogram and, with a 20 kg per flyer allotment, I will have to pay 120 EUR to get my bags to London. It is up to Ethiopian Airlines to charge me the extra to get to Entebbe.
When my turn comes up, I am informed that the charge is not 120 EUR as I had previously been informed ... it is now 300 EUR!!! Do I have a choice ... my fee is processed, I am provided with a half a mile piece of paper with the charges detailed. I am informed to NOT LOSE that paper, it will get me onto Ethiopian without further excess baggage charges. Ya I believe that ...
I then depart for gate 41 ... remember the signage mess ... where are the departure gates; no signs, nada. I ask someone behind a counter and she motions me to the left then straight ahead. Guess what 1 by 3 inch sign is hanging from the ceiling?? Something motioning one upstairs to the departure gates.
I need some food and decide to violate one of the mantras by feasting on something that will remind me of how easy it is in North America to travel. 6,789,244 calories later, I deposit the wrapper in the garbage ... reminding myself of the chain's real motto: You're Lovin' It.
They want to pass my wallet through the scanner ... 567,232,909 flights in the past 61 years and the first time my wallet was scanned. I am really glad I decided against placing the inflatable AK-47 or the just-add-water to the dehydrated Magnum-45 in said billfold. I walk and walk and eventually go through passport control as I am leaving an EU country. I settle in at gate 41, and attempt to buy 2 hours of internet time. You guessed it ... contact with server unavailable. Oy yoy yoy yo yoy ... what will happen next.
I do believe the main event for this trip has not even started yet, but I think there may be a warmup at Heathrow. I do not have my boarding passes to Africa so need to find the Ethiopian Airlines customer service or transfer desk. I then need to convince them that the fee I paid for excess baggage in Lisbon also covered their two flights. I anticipate that will be a mechacha (Hochstadt'ish word for mess) in itself. Then ... tada ... the anticipated debacle of the journey.
I have an iPad and a MacBook and, according to Ethiopian customs, all people entering the country are allowed 1 computer. Excess computers are subject to 2,000 birr (brand new) or 1,300 birr (used) duty. I have my Macs cleverly packed together. I got caught with 2 computers when I came back from Ottawa in February and they were packed separately. When one exits the secure area at Bole in Addis, one's bags are x-rayed. My checked bags will be fine so hopefully my well-thought-out plan will work. I have from 6AM until 10AM to visit folks in Addis then get back to the airport for my 11:45AM flight. Dereje will pick me up and I will head off to Parisienne near Friendship mall to meat habesha and a few ferenge for breakfast.
One of my contacts in Addis spoke with a local who works for Ethiopian Airlines and I have this guy's cell number in case something happens at customs. By the way, the same rule re:computers applies to cell phones. My FB cell is in my checked bags to avoid that mess. On a scale of 1 (no problem) to 10 (huge cucumuca [another Hochstadt'ian word meaning HUGE mess]), I anticipate the arrival at Bole to be about an 11 ... maybe contacting Beshir from the airlines when I arrive will help. To reminisce about a Band song that BK and I no doubt collectively LOVE ... "Oh to be home again ..."; I think it's called "Rocking Chair" from the brown album.
While sitting awaiting my flight in LIS, the following recurring questions about traveling came to mind:
Why is TV guide sold at airport concessions? Do some people know something about economy class that I do not?
Refuse containers are often hard to find. If an airport authority were serious about garbage, why would there not be an abundance of self-serve disposal containers everywhere?
There are so many delays due to "technical issues with the aircraft". If most of us kept lying to our clientel as much as air carriers do, we would be without customers. There is a master program all carriers use called the Excuserator.
Why do they sell nail clippers at gate-side stands when they are not allowed on board?
Why have I discovered that the back of the plane is not as full as the front? Are people afraid of sitting beside the WC or is the front of the plane safer?
Why are some people so important and so much better than the rest of us that we get to sit amongst their refuse 'cause the DH's are too busy to dispose of their own garbage?
We get to Heathrow 40 minutes late and the bridge will not reach the plane. We sit for a while then get to file out the back door into a bus and get transported to terminal 1. Ethiopian flies out of terminal 3 so on to another shuttle. 10 minutes later we are in terminal 3 and I cannot find the Ethiopian connection desk. I ask for assistance and am told it's the one that says Ethiopian ... stupid ferenge. They get me all set with boarding passes and off I go to gate 28. I was just approached by the agent from the connection desk and his supervisor wants to speak with me about the 300 EUR I paid for extra weight on my bags in Lisbon. This should be interesting ...
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